Proof That Obama Will Be Elected

Tonight, I figured out that I could prove that Obama will be elected this November.

I was walking home with my friend tonight and we were laughing at some horrible mistakes we had made today on a project -- mistakes that seriously set us back. I said I would be going home to watch Palin in the debate (still waiting on it to be posted online to view) -- he didn't see the connection. "We made such a huge mistake today -- come on, we're half way through our project and we discover we've been using the wrong circuit. Now, that was stupid. When I get to home and watch Palin, though, it'll make me feel better -- that's profound stupid that's actually successful."

I'm not laughing any more, though. Palin was funny. She's genuinely frightening now, though. It's frightening that she actually has a chance. Listening to her speak is like listening to one of Ray's little minions parrot everything he says. They'll pull out the building argument, you point out that it can be used to prove evolution, and they are completely stumped -- but then keep asserting the same argument. It's transparently obvious they know absolutely nothing and are just copying doltish arguments to mask their own ignorance.

That's all Palin does: she parrots everything from McCain, such as listening to her on Roe v Wade. Katie asked her to name just one other Supreme Court case other than Roe v Wade with which she disagrees. Her answer? Roe v Wade. Seriously, because she could not name just other Supreme Court case she disagreed with. In fact, I suspect she doesn't even know any other Supreme Court case at all. This blatant ignorance is unacceptable. You don't have to follow the Supreme Court, all you have to do is have a seventh grade level education.

Hmm, let's brainstorm a bit here for Supreme Court cases. Hey, I know! How about that one that upheld segregation under the doctrine of "separate but equal"? Surely she disagrees with Plessy v Ferguson!

Oh, wait, I know! How about that old case about slaves being chattel? That no black, regardless of whether or not a slave, could never be a citizen... and neither could their children. Surely she could fumble through all the propaganda floating on the top layer of her brain to work her way to "Dred Scott."

Or wait! I know! WHAT ABOUT KITZMILLER V DOVER?! That one is for creationism, which is dear to her heart. I know, it's not a Supreme Court case, but come on, this is the woman who thinks the Pledge of Allegiance was good enough for the Founders. Surely we can forgive her this.


But how does all of this get to proof of Obama being elected? It goes towards a line of argument I have observed from Christians. It's an argument from emotion -- God has to exist. If God doesn't exist, then I have no purpose... no reason to live. God has to exist or else there is no ultimate justice. The child rapist who gets away with it in this lifetime will never receive justice. Therefore, God must exist. They cannot believe that there can be no purpose or such injustice.


Similarly, Palin cannot be elected. She's too shockingly ignorant and stupid. Americans have to be smarter than electing someone without even a seventh grade level of knowledge of the Supreme Court. I just cannot believe that Americans would cast their vote for someone so ridiculous that, if it weren't for the tragic reality of it, we would otherwise think her a parody of politicians. In fact, SNL can't even parody her because she's a self-parody.

But further, Americans can't be so stupid that they don't see through the reason she was nominated. I know there will be plenty of ignorant, uninformed, partisan hacks like Ray Comfort who thinks Palin "rocks," but I cannot accept a reality where she is elected.

Therefore, Obama will be elected.